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It was a Beautiful Letdown...

It is with a heavy heart that I regret to inform you guys that Zaye, butifulyletdown, passed away on Tuesday, August 16th, 2011, at 10:46pm. I hope you all will forgive me in my delay in telling you, but she was my best friend... and I had to sit with this and process it for awhile myself before I could share it with any of you. I just want to tell everyone that took the time to post a prayer or message of hope, THANK YOU SO MUCH. I can't express how helpful and comforting those messages were. Just to know that Zaye remained in your hearts and minds throughout her illness helped me on a deeply personal level.

Zaye's favorite song was “The Beautiful Letdown” by Switchfoot. If anyone wants to feel closer to her, please take a moment and listen to that song. I encourage you to ponder the lyrics and know that she is no longer suffering from an illness that took away her entire physical life, leaving her paralyzed from the neck down, blind and with impaired speech. She is now at peace...

It was a beautiful letdown
When I crashed and burneD
When I found myself alone, unknown and hurt
It was a beautiful letdown
The day I knew
That all the riches this world had to offer me would never do

In a world full of bitter pain and bitter doub 
I was trying so hard to fit in, fit in
Until I found out
That I don't belong here
(I don't belong)
I don't belong here
(I don't belong)
I will carry a cross and a song
Where I don't belong
(I don't belong)
I don't belong

It was a beautiful letdown
When you found me here
Yeah for once in a rare blue moon I see everything clear
I'll be a beautiful letdown
Thats what Ill forever be
And though it may cost my soul, Ill sing for free

Were still chasing our tails and the rising sun
And our dark water planet
Still spins in a race
Where no one wins and no ones one
See I don't belong here
(I don't belong)
I don't belong here
(I don't belong)
I will carry a cross and a song where I don't belong
(I don't belong)
I don't belong here
(I don't belong)
I don't belong here
(I don't belong)
I'm gonna set sight and set sail for the kingdom come
Kingdom come
Your kingdom come
Won't you let me down!
Let my foolish pride forever let me down

Easy living, your not much like your name
Easy dying, hey, you look just about the same
Would you please take me off your list?
Easy living, please, come on and let me down

We are a beautiful letdown, painfully uncool
The church of the dropouts, the losers, the sinners, the failures and the fools
Oh, what a beautiful letdown
Are we salt in the wound?
Let us sing one true tune, yeah
I don't belong here
(I don't belong)
I don't belong here
(I don't belong)
Feels like I don't belong here, yeah
(I don't belong)
I don't belong here
(I don't belong)
Feels like I don't belong here, yeah
(I don't belong)
I don't belong here
(I don't belong)
I don't belong
Would you let me down?
Come on let me down
You always let me down
So glad that I'm let down, yea
Come on and let me down
'Cause I don't belong here
Please, won't you let me down?

 Anyone who just wants to talk about Zaye or if you want a copy of her obituary, feel free to message me.

Thoughts and Prayers for Zaye

Please leave any thoughts and prayers for Zaye, butifulyletdown , in the comments of this post. I will be taking your thoughts and prayers and printing them out onto postcards for Zaye to read while she's in the hospital and I'll be sending her a Build-A-Bear along with the postcards. If anyone feels uncomfortable leaving thoughts or prayers in the comments, but still want to send Zaye a message, please send me a PM and I will make sure that she gets it. Also for anyone who has already left me a message, rest assured that I've already passed it on to her.

Bones last 6 episodes of season 5 marathon

So, I've been taking a much needed break from Bones since the 100th episode "The Parts in the Sum of the Whole." I hated that episode "with the fire of a thousand suns." And it seems that within the Bones fandom this episode has become a dividing line, either you loved it or hated it and I am so far across the "hated it" side of that line that I couldn't watch the show after that! Bones has been my favorite show for 5 seasons now. So, for me to get to a point where I couldn't even watch it was HUGE! I have been upset with Bones before, but never like this. After watching the 100th ep, I felt like I was literally bending over for Hart Hanson to screw me and I know that sounds extremely dramatic, but I can't describe it any other way. This is really hard for me because these characters, Booth and especially Brennan, have become my favorites amongst all the characters in all the shows that I'm currently watching. And Hart Hanson has succeeded in making me dislike Booth. I'm actually mad with Booth. I'm so frustrated with him AND Hart Hanson, because I feel like I've been led to believe (for 5 seasons) that Booth is a patient man and that he's the one that will never leave/never give up on Brennan, but it turns out that he's actually not that person. He's a man that will give her an ultimatum and say that because she's too scared to risk losing him/risk hurting him that he's going to have to "move on." I'm so disgusted by that, that I just can't get past it. It's so fucking OOC and unbelievable that I don't accept it and therefore could not move forward with the show. The only good thing is that it has sparked this ire in me that I've channelled into a ficlet (so far) about the fall out, that picks up after the 100th ep.

So today, I think I'm finally ready to watch the last 6 episodes. I am spoiler free, so I'm going into this blind. I have avoided reading any recaps of these episodes and interviews about the finale. I just hope that by the end of this, I'll actually want to watch Bones next season. 



I've been planning on doing  an update for a couple of weeks now, but I wanted to wait to celebrate Zaye's birthday. Her mom and I had been planning on giving her a party at home because her birthday was going to follow the intense therapy that was scheduled for her. Unfortunately Zaye had another set back while she was in rehab and she was taken to the emergency room Monday night. An MRI and CAT scan revealed a small mass at the base of her brain and she was readmitted to the hospital on Tuesday. I came to Houston yesterday to spend her birthday with her. She was given a party by the very nice group of occupational therapists in charge of her rehabilitation.

This 2nd setback has been a real blow to everyone, but especially Zaye. Her spirits are down and she's very depressed. I am doing everything I can to stay encouraged and to keep her mom encouraged. Her doctors started her on steroids to keep her organs strong and she will probably start a 3rd round of the plasma transfusions to get back on the road to recovery. She is still breathing on her own and talking, but she's having bouts of confusion. Please continue to keep her and her family in your thoughts and prayers.

I just want to thank everyone that's left messages of hope and prayers for recovery on the original journal post. You guys are so awesome. And everyone that's written fan-fiction and made fan art for Zaye, you guys rock. I've printed everything out for her, including all of the comments and started a binder for her. I brought it with me and will continue to update it so anyone wanting to leave additional thoughts/prayers for Zaye, please continue to do so here: tracgyrl.livejournal.com/10847.html and I will make sure they get added to her binder.

***Zaye Update***

Thanks to everyone on my flist and on Zaye's for sending me words of encouragement as well as inquiring about Zaye's recovery. I want to especially thank Kirsten, dockfangirl , for asking about her EVERY day, even when I was depressed and didn't want to talk about it.  I can't express how much it's meant to me.

I haven't posted an update since the end of January and so much has happened since then. During the first week of February Zaye had a setback. After she was moved to the Rehabilitation facility, she came down with a spontaneous infection and some swelling returned to her brain. It went untreated for a few days because no one knew, until her mom realized that she was having bouts of confusion where she didn't know where she was and she couldn't remember things that her mom had just told her. Luckily, it was discovered in time and she was readmitted to ICU. She had to undergo another round of plasma transfusions and an altogether different treatment (that I can't remember the name of). GOOD NEWS is that she responded very well to the 2nd treatment and she's still in recovery, but doing amazingly well.

I've been DVR'ing Smallville so that I can keep her updated on Chloe and the show in general. You'll be glad to know that her spirits are high and she's keeping a positive attitude.

Anyone wanting to leave additional thoughts/prayers for Zaye, please continue to do so here: tracgyrl.livejournal.com/10847.html


First of all I just want to thank everyone in the Chlark community/Chloe fandom for reaching out with thoughts/prayers in support of Zaye's recovery. You guys have been so wonderful and It's meant SO much. I really appreciate it.

**UPDATE**Collapse )

Bones - The Doctor in the Den tag

As much as I loved Harbingers and as excited as I am for the new season, a part of me is really missing pre tumor removal B/B. So I thought I'd post my favorite one-shot that I wrote while Bones was on hiatus this summer. It's a tag for The Doctor in the Den. I realized after watching this episode when it re-aired that even though I thoroughly enjoyed it, I really missed Booth and Brennan just being together...

Title: Untitled

Characters: Booth, Brennan

Rating: K/PG
Spoilers: only for The Doctor in the Den

Timeline: Future

Word Count: 1517
Disclaimer: Bones and its characters belong to Hart Hanson, Josephson Entertainment/Far Field Productions and FOX. No copyright infringement is intended and No Profit in made.

Story Notes: This takes place at the end of The Doctor in the Den

A/N: This was simply written because I missed B/B in this episode




What, I don't understand, how can distracting you not be bad?Collapse )



Happy BONESDAY!!!!!!!!!!!

 I'm so excited right now I could probably burst! No. seriously, I think it's an actual probability that if I get any more excited, I will EXPLODE!

"They're BACK, baby!"


ONLY 1 more day for my countdown...

If I had to pick only 1 intern to keep on Bones it would be...

interns...Collapse )


and counting... 2

Here are my Top 2 things I've learned from watching Bones...

Who says you can't learn AND watch TV?Collapse )